


There's A New Gene In Town - Fic

by Dracothelizard



Series: My amazing reverse bad bang [2]
Category: Castle, Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Crossover, Deliberately Bad Fanfic, M/M, Teyla Being Awesome, deliberately bad everything, emotional hair, stop touching things, you're going to blow us all up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-19
Updated: 2014-09-19
Packaged: 2018-02-18 00:44:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2329043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dracothelizard/pseuds/Dracothelizard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Someone with a stronger gene than John's is recruited to Atlantis. John is not amused.<br/>Teyla's going to kick both of their asses.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There's A New Gene In Town - Fic

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [There's a New Gene in Town](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2311904) by Anonymous. 



> omg when i saw this pic i was immediately so inspired!!!!!! I LOVED THE ART.
> 
> so i know the art said it was gen but obviously that meant that john and ronon were totally in love with each other so i did that.

“so colonel carter told me we’re getting a new member of the expedition” john announced while he was having breakfast with ronon and teyla and rodney and jennifer.

“wow” rodney replied. “who is it?”

“some writer called richard castle” john replied. he had never heard of richard castle.

“wow!” jennifer said. her eyes were wide. “he is really famous john! why is he coming to atlantis???”

“apparently he has the ata gene too” john explained. “he works for the new york police. during a case they found a machine left behind by the ancients and richard castle activated it by accident. they nearly blew up new york but the sgc intervened and decided it was safer to send him to atlantis.”

teyla stared at john. “this man nearly blew up a city by accident by touching a machine from the ancestors so they are sending him to atlantis??? john that does not seem safe to me at all!!”

john shrugged. “well I think we should obey the sgc and it will be fine teyla. don’t worry! we have rodney and zelenka to make sure he doesn’t blow anything up.”

“I will keep an eye on him to make sure he doesn’t touch anything” ronon said and pulled a knife from his hair.

“okay good idea” john agreed.

“so when is he gonna be here???” jennifer asked excitedly. “I have all his books I should get them signed!!!”

“I am here right now” a mysterious and handsome stranger announced striding up to them. “ladies” he said nodding at teyla and jennifer and gave them a flirtatious smile and wank. “gentlemen” he said nodding at john and ronon and rodney and giving them a flirtatious smile and wink too. “nice to meet you.”

“hm” said john who was looking at richard castle’s hair. it was really good hair. thick and full and well-styled. he didn’t like it and neither did his hair. “well I think we should check if you really have the ata gene. Let’s go to the puddle jumper bay!!!”

“cool” said richard castle and he followed john to the jumper bay. ronon and teyla followed too while rodney stayed behind to do science while jennifer went to the infirmary.

john showed richard castle around the puddle jumper bay and richard castle thought the puddle jumpers were really cool. they all lit up around him. “hey do they normally do that???” richard castle asked.

“no” john said sulkily. his hair flopped down a little. “but lets get inside one.”

they sat down inside one with ronon and teyla. the puddle jumper they were in started without richard castle touching anything. “wow this is awesome. can I take one with me home?? the new york police would love it!”

“no” john said. his hair sulked along with him. “let’s fly around.”

but richard castle didn’t know how to fly so john did the flying. he did loopings to try and make richard castle sick but richard castle’s ata gene protected him from airsickness!!! it was a great flight. then richard castle took over flying and he was really good and the puddle jumper went even faster than when john flew it!!!

“wow” said ronon “I didn’t know puddle jumpers could go this fast!”

“neither did I” john muttered. his hair had drooped and was now in his eyes. why had weir decided to let richard castle come to atlantis??? it was very weird how good he was with the machines. something had to be up and he was going to find out what was going on!!

“hm” said teyla who was watching john watching richard castle.

they got back to the puddle jumper bay and teyla brought richard castle to the infirmary where jennifer was. jennifer was really happy to see richard castle and he signed all her books!! “so he flew the puddle jumper really fast” teyla explained. “it was weird”

“omg that does sound weird!!! but I think I read about that in an ancient file” said jennifer with a smile. she tapped on her tablet. “yes here it is. apparently ancients with a big gene can make the puddle jumper go really fast. they can also do other things with their big gene. this is amazing. we don’t have anyone with a big ata gene here!!! richard castle can I study your big gene??”

“of course” richard castle said generously. “I love helping people. so can my gene do anything else besides flying your awesome jumper thingies??”

“well it can activate all the devices on atlantis and all other ancient devices and you can read ancient without having to learn it” jennifer explained reading her tablet. “richard castle do you know what this means for the expedition???”

“omg” said carter who had just arrived. “jennifer that sounds amazing!!! and so useful!! we have to try this. can you study richard castle and his massive gene? teyla can you go tell john??? he has to show richard castle around atlantis and ask him to touch everything to see what it does!”

“yes of course” said teyla.

john was in the gym with ronon. not even a nice game of satedan grabass was cheering him up. his hair was still drooping and in his eyes. “sorry ronon i don’t know what’s wrong with me today ” he said and sat down. he knew what was wrong with him. it was richard castle and his nice hair and his gene and his flying puddle jumpers faster than john could!!! it was hard for him to talk about what was bothering him. he didn’t like to talk about feelings and emotions.

ronon sat down next to him. “you look sad” he said. “I can tell by your hair.”

“omg” john said. “no one has ever been able to tell my mood by my hair!!! ronon how did you know??”

“well on sateda our hair expressed our emotions” ronon explained. “that is how I can tell your sad. because your hair is sad and droopy.”

“wow” john replied. “so your hair expresses your emotions too??”

“yes” said ronon.

“so what does it mean when you put knifes in there???”

“it means it is a convenient places to put knifes” said ronon. “and also it means I am angry.”

“ok.” john said. “you’re right. I am sad. it is because of richard castle. he has nice hair!! And a ata gene and he flew faster than me!! it is so unfair. what if he is better at flying than me and takes over atlantis???”

“elizabeth won’t let that happen john” ronon replied. “because richard castle might have nice hair and a nice bum but you have a nice everything.”

“omg” said john. was he hearing this right??? his hair started to perk up at the idea of ronon liking him like that. he had often fantasized about the handsome satedan warrior. but he had never thought ronon would like him too!! “omg ronon do you mean that???”

“yes john I mean that” ronon said. his hair was perking up too.

“wow” john said. “this is awesome. so what does your hair mean now???” he had noticed ronons hair perking up. it was very noticeable.

“it means that I wanna make sweet and tender love to you john” ronon explained. “we should go to my room. everyone is so busy with richard castle they won’t notice that we’re gone.”

“omg” said john amazed. “let’s go right now!!!”

and then they went to ronons room and they wanted to make sweet love but then teyla was there!! with richard castle!!!

“oh no” said john. “why are you here???”

“richard castle has to touch everything by order of elizabeth” said teyla who also knew about hair expression emotions and could see that john and ronon were about to make sweet love. “jennifer said he has a really big ata gene.”

"yes i was supposed to go to you immediately but I had to go poo first" richard castle explained with a smile.

"ok thanks for telling us I guess" john replied. he didn't need to know that about richard castle.

"yes sorry I just like giving people a bum update that's all. anyway let's get back to my massive ata gene which is bigger than anyone else on this base."

“wow really???” said ronon. “that sounds awesome. what does it do?”

“it means he can read ancient and activate all the ancient devices by touching it. so that is why sam said we should make sure he touches everything so we will know what it does.” teyla said.

john couldn’t believe weir was asking someone to touch every device!! there were so many!!! and they didn’t know what most of the devices did!! it could be dangerous. “I think I should come with you” he said glaring at richard castle.

“yes me too” ronon said with a smile at richard castle.

“don’t worry john I think me and ronon and teyla can take care of touching everything” richard castle said with a flirtatious smile. “you should relax!!”

but john was not going to let ronon go with richard castle!! not when they were close to making sweet love! it was okay for teyla to go with him because teyla could take care of herself and john didn’t want to make sweet love to her. “no I should show you around.” he said.

So they started with the basement and richard castle started to touch everything.

“I am not an ancient device” teyla pointed out when he touched her.

“oh sorry” richard castle said.

“I am also not an ancient device” ronon said and john glared at castle.

“well sorry I am just making sure. I mean I am supposed to be able to turn on everything around here by touching them!!!” richard castle said with a flirtatious smile. then he touched the walls but john couldn’t take it anymore.

“noooo stop!!!” he said. “ronon is my boyfriend you can’t touch him!!!”

“omg I’m your boyfriend???” ronon said. his hair was happy.

“yes!!” john said. “ronon I love you and I don’t like it when richard castle touches you!!! actually I don’t like richard castle at all! I don’t think he should be here with his nice hair and big gene. I think it is very dangerous and I can’t believe that weir said it was a good idea to let him touch everything.”

“omg” said richard castle. “omg john stop being such a weenie.”

“no you are a weenie” said john.

“you are both idiots” said teyla. she pointed at the wall. “look when richard castle touched the wall it activated!!! he touched the wall for 4.8 seconds which is exactly as long as you need to touch a wall in atlantis with the big ata gene before it activates the self-destruct sequence!!”

“WARNING WARNING” it came over the intercom. “WARNING. SELF-DESTRUCT HAS BEEN ACTIVATED AND CANNOT BE UNACTIVATED!! THE CITY WILL EXPLODE IN ONE MINUTE!!!”

“omg” said john. now the city was going to explode without him ever making sweet love to ronon! “noooooo what do we do???”

“john if you hadn’t yelled at richard castle this wouldn’t have happened!!!” teyla said. “then richard castle would’ve touched the wall longer and it would have been fine. I am so gonna kick both your asses because richard castle you were wrong to stop touching the wall too!!”

“are you gonna kick my ass too??” ronon asked.

“no ronon I still like you.”

“ok but we need to stop atlantis from exploding first” richard castle said who was used to women threatening to kick his ass.

“yes we should because I still need to make sweet love to john!” said ronon.

“ok teyla what do we do??” said john.

“well” said teyla. “I think richard castle should tell atlantis not to explode.”

“of course” said ronon. “because richard castle has the big gene he can speak the ancient language!! teyla you are amazing.”

“but I don’t know any ancient!!!” said richard castle.

“come on richard castle you do it!! just search inside yourself!! You have the power!!” teyla told him.

and then richard castle could feel the ancient power inside of him!! “omg” he said “I think I know the ancient language!! Earday atlantisyay easeplay ontday owblay upyay iyay ontday antway otay ieday yetyay ankthay youyay.”

everyone held their breath to see if it worked!!

“SELF-DESTRUCTION HAS BEEN UNACTIVATED!!!” came a voice over the intercom. “HAVE A NICE DAY ON ATLANTIS!”

“wow carter is gonna be so happy we stopped atlantis from exploding” john said. “well done richard castle.”

“omg” said richard castle. “did you just say a nice thing about me???”

“yeah I guess you are ok after all. I was silly to be jealous of your hair and your big ata gene.” said john.

“well you have nice hair too and you know its not the size of your gene its how you use it!!” said richard castle. they all laughed.

Then he and teyla left because teyla still had to kick his ass and they were going to do that elsewhere.

“so you were jealous of richard castle??? even after I told you I loved you???”ronon asked.

“yes” said john. “because he was flirting with you and I thought you were flirting back.”

“no I only wanted to stay close to him to make sure he wouldn’t hurt anyone!!! like you!!” said ronon.

“ok.” said john. “then let’s go back to your room and make sweet love.”

“yes.” said ronon.

They went back to ronon’s room and made sweet love. They each had lots of orgasms it was amazing. 

Bigger than anyone else on this base.


End file.
